at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
