I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
