Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
