She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
