well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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