i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Randomize
