And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
