I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
