i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
