Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
