why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
