Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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