the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
