something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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