At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i think im in europe. pls send help
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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