You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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