Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
