He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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