I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
