New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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