So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
