who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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