you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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