Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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