perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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