My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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