Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
