Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
