no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
