You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
