i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
