if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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