FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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