how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My cat gives me a boner
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Randomize
