Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
