You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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