I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
