Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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