I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
