oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
