3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
