Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
