So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
