Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
