This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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