a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Randomize
