By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
