She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
