Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
