There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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