the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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