I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
