Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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